forgiveness

today i did an installation at mbcc (otherwise known as the new church i've been attending- and don't get all freaked out about me exploring my spirituality in a more communal sense, please.) through my bleary fog of no sleep, too much visual work, and the end of a cold- a work on forgiveness somehow manifested and bruce , the amazing pastor, guided people to it ever so gracefully in the service he led.  what resonated with me most was his request that we re-define sin by recognizing (admitting) and caring (forgiving) for that which is broken in ourselves and our lives.  he asked that everyone write down a word or two on forgiveness (who we'd like to forgive, or perhaps be forgiven by) and drop it in the glasses in the installation.  now, i figured that i, tiffany , and bruce would be the only ones to actually partake in this 'new' ritual that i dreamed up.  alas, i sat watching as person after person approached the work until almost everyone had dropped a paper in the wine, even a child.  and how moving it was to see so many people easily participate in this thing i set up, and to collectively forgive, be forgiven, acknowledge the broken parts, and then let go. 
the main sentiment that came up for me, as i struggled with writing down my mother's name (queen of grudges) is how do we even begin to forgive, or be forgiven, when we have not forgiven ourselves? how can i learn to accept my broken parts so that when i return home for christmas and my mother comes down on me about living in california and being an artist i can forgive her and see how her broken parts are speaking, instead of falling into the same spiral of self-doubt and lack of forgiveness that she is speaking from? it begins with us.  it begins with self-forgiveness. so that we may be honest, let go, and move on and through.  so that we don't remain stuck in a grudge or a place of unacceptance. so that we can model it, and understand the power of being forgiven.  and only then, in the grace of forgiveness, can we 're-gift' it.

i leave you with that, and some more photos of the installation.